Curiosity, Thoughts and Whatever...
I'm not a regular blogger just occasionally wanna share some thoughts and ideas to the rest of the world. Hope you like what you see and written.....:))
I had been bottling up many many things for months now. I was busy renovating a new house and spend many time running around making sure the indon workers are doing their work, the stuff that I bought are ok, making sure installer are putting things nicely, tiling of the floor and design of the house according to what my wife and I wanted. It was just hectic and tiring. On many occasion I had wanted to give up but somehow I manages to pull myself up and tell myself there will be light at the end of the tunnel. It was during this turbulence times that I had many many quarrel before renovation, during construction and after completed. The bust up was so huge that my wife went lunatic. For me whatever quarrel there is, we men will forget about it the next day. But somehow woman think in a different way. She was like a crazy woman. I was scared that she had lost her mind and couldn't get her back ........it was real scary. Never though woman can be so scorn. I knew she had bad temper occasionally especially during her PMS but ...............she went too far.
Firstly, we quarrel on the issue of time management. I was of the opinion and she was too that we make a total commitment to have the house finish as quickly as possible. Hence we need to go and scout around for the best deal in town for tiles, bathroom accessories, kitchen and etc............I was already all tied up with another house of mine when the tenant was moving out and we had to terminate the agreement earlier than specify. Hence, I need to inspect the house, get back all the keys and pay off all the utility bills. I told her to spend whatever time she has or available (after work) or take a day or 2 off to go around shopping. I thought woman love shopping. But no, she took leave and stay at home taking care of our kids. I understand that she is the responsible type and didn't want to put my kids with my parents too much. However, we are not playing or taking the time off for self indulgence. I had already laid the bricks and in fact mention it to my parents to help us out more during this difficult period. My parents was very much understanding. However, she didn't listen to me. She did it her way. I was piss off.
Secondly, during the renovation which was done by many people and supervise by her cousin (and partly me too), I took many days off and time out during office hour just so that I can confirm a few issue with her cousin and etc. My commitment was very strong. I was not too happy with time out I took though I wasn't doing anything wrong cause all my other colleague are worst off than me. I felt myself should be more responsible. I was never the kind to overtake things for granted. Nevertheless, on some occasion I wasn't quite able to take a day off and hence hoping that she can help out. However, when she did take a day off she never utilises the time efficiently and instead at the end of the day spend half the day going home to cook and feed my kids. I wasn't too happy with the situation. I was piss off too. We were running out of time and yet so many things needed to be purchase and arrange. Do you think this is consider serious commitment ? I was working my socks off for the family target. Moving into a new house and us all to call our own home. Was really disappointed.
Thirdly, by the time her cousin and mom was working on the house to re-lay all the tiles, I had high hope that she will get more involve. This is because she can have more say than I do with regard to her parents and cousin. I don't feel appropriate to give instruction or give some negative comment on their workmanship and etc. Her cousin wasn't that reliable either cause had on many occasion mis-calculated on the tiles quantity, specification and design wise. I needed her support and help. Help and support wasn't that forthcoming cause I felt she too was hesitant. I was changing and trying to give her more responsibility hoping that she get back her confidence. Confidence that she said was losing and disappearing in her life. I was disappointed again.
I think I am a rational and logical person but women aren't all the same. No matter how you try to tell them or convince them. She will just say you are the possessive type, not trusting her type and treating her like a maid. What am I suppose to do when she looks old, unattractive and only knows how to .......do the things she like. I mean my wife is good, she cooks, do the laundry.....help out the house.....independent and financially capable but there are times which she get on my nerve. Like I tell her not to clean the house today, rest and we do it tomorrow......she never listen. Ask her not to cook for a big party.......she wants to do it.........and got everyone schedule haywire and end of the day tired and not feeling well. Ask her not to cook at home.....just take away so that can spend some time recuperating and play with the kids and etc......she doesn't listen at all. Ask her not to go out.....stay at home to rest........she want to go out. Ask her not to do this and that.....cause I really love her and don't want to see her suffer but yet she doesn't want to listen.
I ask her whether we should really consider and give a thought on hiring permanent maid to enlighten everyone chores and at the same time help with the house and my parents ? She said no......blah blah blah........... I am damn piss and fuc^&%&* up. I don't know what she wants !! I can see the stress, the strain and all the time limited stuff......yet when I try to make improvement....she doesn't appreciate. Worst of all I can't find the time to really communicate with her. I miss the times when we had wild and spontaneous sex every where in the house. I miss the times when I feel connected with her while making love on the floor. I miss her sense of touch and her sensual feminine. She had loss all her feminine side of character and womanhood.
If only she could listen and be patience. My parents had already been complaining her to me on how she teaches my elder son to read and write. She's just a tough nut head that she can be very fierce. She only knows 1 method and that's scolding and screaming. My mom had been complaining for awhile now and I always ignore her but then my dad who doesn't care much about how I do my things is complaining. There must be a real concern on her teaching method. I am so tired. As if everything need me to settle. I have a tough time balancing the financial sheet of my houses, credit card bills, utilities and etc. I need a break. I really do. I don't know how long I can cope with all this. I am just so tired.
I don't make decision alone and I always consult her on many matters. I like differing opinion as it offers suggestion from a different angle of perspective. What am I doing wrong ? Perhaps its the saying that once there is a leak there will always be a leak. Everybody had been more than sensitive now. Little stuff had been twisted to bigger issue. Small issue had been blown out of proportion. I want to do something about it but I know there's no quick fixes. Hopefully time will heal the wound. I will be spending less time at home and more time in the office from next month onwards. There's some truth to what my cousin was telling me yesterday. If you spend less time at home your kids will miss you more and tend to be more discipline and listen to you more. It hit me.......perhaps what the Japanese culture had been practicing for century were right. The Japanese husband spend less time at home so less quarrel with the wife and therefore could maintain a platonic relationship with the family. When situation get too tense its all because all sides are trying to fight to win some issues and making a point. So if you aren't at home, you can't quarrel with your wife and hence less tense atmosphere. I just hate the feeling of going home and meeting a robot. She doesn't look at you. She just glances you for awhile and then do her own stuff and then continue this till she goes to bed and at a blink of an eye, she falls asleep soundly. That is how my day ends. Dull, tasteless and predictable.
Firstly, we quarrel on the issue of time management. I was of the opinion and she was too that we make a total commitment to have the house finish as quickly as possible. Hence we need to go and scout around for the best deal in town for tiles, bathroom accessories, kitchen and etc............I was already all tied up with another house of mine when the tenant was moving out and we had to terminate the agreement earlier than specify. Hence, I need to inspect the house, get back all the keys and pay off all the utility bills. I told her to spend whatever time she has or available (after work) or take a day or 2 off to go around shopping. I thought woman love shopping. But no, she took leave and stay at home taking care of our kids. I understand that she is the responsible type and didn't want to put my kids with my parents too much. However, we are not playing or taking the time off for self indulgence. I had already laid the bricks and in fact mention it to my parents to help us out more during this difficult period. My parents was very much understanding. However, she didn't listen to me. She did it her way. I was piss off.
Secondly, during the renovation which was done by many people and supervise by her cousin (and partly me too), I took many days off and time out during office hour just so that I can confirm a few issue with her cousin and etc. My commitment was very strong. I was not too happy with time out I took though I wasn't doing anything wrong cause all my other colleague are worst off than me. I felt myself should be more responsible. I was never the kind to overtake things for granted. Nevertheless, on some occasion I wasn't quite able to take a day off and hence hoping that she can help out. However, when she did take a day off she never utilises the time efficiently and instead at the end of the day spend half the day going home to cook and feed my kids. I wasn't too happy with the situation. I was piss off too. We were running out of time and yet so many things needed to be purchase and arrange. Do you think this is consider serious commitment ? I was working my socks off for the family target. Moving into a new house and us all to call our own home. Was really disappointed.
Thirdly, by the time her cousin and mom was working on the house to re-lay all the tiles, I had high hope that she will get more involve. This is because she can have more say than I do with regard to her parents and cousin. I don't feel appropriate to give instruction or give some negative comment on their workmanship and etc. Her cousin wasn't that reliable either cause had on many occasion mis-calculated on the tiles quantity, specification and design wise. I needed her support and help. Help and support wasn't that forthcoming cause I felt she too was hesitant. I was changing and trying to give her more responsibility hoping that she get back her confidence. Confidence that she said was losing and disappearing in her life. I was disappointed again.
I think I am a rational and logical person but women aren't all the same. No matter how you try to tell them or convince them. She will just say you are the possessive type, not trusting her type and treating her like a maid. What am I suppose to do when she looks old, unattractive and only knows how to .......do the things she like. I mean my wife is good, she cooks, do the laundry.....help out the house.....independent and financially capable but there are times which she get on my nerve. Like I tell her not to clean the house today, rest and we do it tomorrow......she never listen. Ask her not to cook for a big party.......she wants to do it.........and got everyone schedule haywire and end of the day tired and not feeling well. Ask her not to cook at home.....just take away so that can spend some time recuperating and play with the kids and etc......she doesn't listen at all. Ask her not to go out.....stay at home to rest........she want to go out. Ask her not to do this and that.....cause I really love her and don't want to see her suffer but yet she doesn't want to listen.
I ask her whether we should really consider and give a thought on hiring permanent maid to enlighten everyone chores and at the same time help with the house and my parents ? She said no......blah blah blah........... I am damn piss and fuc^&%&* up. I don't know what she wants !! I can see the stress, the strain and all the time limited stuff......yet when I try to make improvement....she doesn't appreciate. Worst of all I can't find the time to really communicate with her. I miss the times when we had wild and spontaneous sex every where in the house. I miss the times when I feel connected with her while making love on the floor. I miss her sense of touch and her sensual feminine. She had loss all her feminine side of character and womanhood.
If only she could listen and be patience. My parents had already been complaining her to me on how she teaches my elder son to read and write. She's just a tough nut head that she can be very fierce. She only knows 1 method and that's scolding and screaming. My mom had been complaining for awhile now and I always ignore her but then my dad who doesn't care much about how I do my things is complaining. There must be a real concern on her teaching method. I am so tired. As if everything need me to settle. I have a tough time balancing the financial sheet of my houses, credit card bills, utilities and etc. I need a break. I really do. I don't know how long I can cope with all this. I am just so tired.
I don't make decision alone and I always consult her on many matters. I like differing opinion as it offers suggestion from a different angle of perspective. What am I doing wrong ? Perhaps its the saying that once there is a leak there will always be a leak. Everybody had been more than sensitive now. Little stuff had been twisted to bigger issue. Small issue had been blown out of proportion. I want to do something about it but I know there's no quick fixes. Hopefully time will heal the wound. I will be spending less time at home and more time in the office from next month onwards. There's some truth to what my cousin was telling me yesterday. If you spend less time at home your kids will miss you more and tend to be more discipline and listen to you more. It hit me.......perhaps what the Japanese culture had been practicing for century were right. The Japanese husband spend less time at home so less quarrel with the wife and therefore could maintain a platonic relationship with the family. When situation get too tense its all because all sides are trying to fight to win some issues and making a point. So if you aren't at home, you can't quarrel with your wife and hence less tense atmosphere. I just hate the feeling of going home and meeting a robot. She doesn't look at you. She just glances you for awhile and then do her own stuff and then continue this till she goes to bed and at a blink of an eye, she falls asleep soundly. That is how my day ends. Dull, tasteless and predictable.
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