During the weekend, I read a very fine article by this Dzof Azmi on StarMag. Very interesting and it was about standing out and voicing what is in your mind. If there is something you need to say or ask, then do it else forever you will regret it. If we don't say something when you want to then you will never know what greatness will come out of it. Logic is the opposite of emotion and both need to co-exist together symbiotically.
CONTRADICTHEORYBy DZOF AZMI
Even though everybody around the table knows a bad decision is being made, everyone stays quiet, because the man saying it has a Datuk in front of his name.
THINGS left unsaid are the source of some of the greatest tragedies in the world.
It's true. Civil society requires constant communication and the less we say to each other, the less we know about each other. And the less we know of others, the less we understand of ourselves.
Think about it. How many times have you regretted keeping quiet and letting the world pass by? They say decisions are only made by those who turn up, but if you don't use your voice, you might as well not be there.
If you see something wrong, something that grates the inside of your soul, to not let it out would be to let it fester inside.
In case you might think it doesn't apply to you, how many times have you walked away at the end of a meeting, agreeing with your peers that, yes, that was a stupid decision?
Or put up with a relative's eccentricities and smile politely at their strange requests?
Or let somebody cut in front of you in a line, think "how rude", but say nothing nevertheless?
How do you feel after something like that? Dissatisfied? Upset? Like you want to reach out and punch that smug idiot who thinks a queue is defined by where he stands?
So, we let things slide, and we don't always do much to rectify it. There are several reasons for this.
"Shy, lah". They say Asians are a reticent and non-confrontational lot. It's our culture. So we will gladly put up with a little difficulty to keep the peace.
What rubbish.
It's true that if you're brought up to not talk back, then you end up on the meek side. But in a globalised society, this should not apply anymore. Anyway, I've seen Malaysians in road rage mode – nothing meek about that.
"Respect your seniors." Again, this is a cultural thing. You don't speak against your elders, and you need to show respect. This is precisely why bad decisions are made in corporations.
Even though everybody around the table knows a bad decision is being made, everyone stays quiet, because the man saying it has a "Datuk" in front of his name.
I could go on and on. However, I am convinced that all these are merely excuses for what I think the real reason is – fear.
We don't stand up to say the things we think because we are just too scared to do so. It takes courage to stand out from the rest. It takes courage to put yourself at risk.
Sometimes, the fear of failure itself is enough of a disincentive. Yet, life in itself is about taking chances.
Your first steps are always shaky, and you will fall, and you may be embarrassed, but even half a step takes you further than no step at all.
Of course, it's easy for me to say all this. When faced with the decision in real life, I've been known to hem and haw.
One of the hardest things I've tried to do was to raise my hand as a member of the audience during a debate in the Oxford Union.
As a member of the audience, you're actually allowed to interrupt a debater, it's something called a Point of Information. My hand actually went up, but I wasn't called upon.
I was actually relieved and felt like I had been let off the hook. Later on, I saw the experienced British MP Norman Tebbit tear into some young undergraduate for what he felt was a stupid point, and all I could think was, "Glad I'm not him".
But the thing is, that undergraduate will be able to say now that he faced one of the greatest political debaters in Britain and lived to tell the tale.
Being able to say what you feel applies on a personal level, too.
When people talk about trust between couples, or in a family, what they mean is that you can just say what you mean and not have to cover everything with layers of politeness. Worse, of course, is when you say nothing at all.
I have a friend who seems to be in love with a girl, but he won't say anything much to her because he thinks she's interested in somebody else.
I don't understand why he doesn't just corner her and say what he feels, thinks and means. It isn't anything bad in itself, and the worst that happens is you lose your pride.
I feel pretty confident to say that if you truly believe what you mean, and if you can frame it in the right way, then you should never feel a reason to be quiet when something wrong passes before you.
I don't know how this will play out in real life, though.
How would you turn to a Prime Minister and tell him that he's wrong? How do you stand up to a police officer and say that asking for bribes is wrong? I don't know, but I'm sure there is a way.
The seconds in life pass by too quickly sometimes and to lose them agonising about what we think should or could be is like living in a fantasy when reality is only an arm's reach away.
Leaving things unsaid is something that limits our potential to be as great as we could be. And that is why I intend to never shut up.
Logic is the antithesis of emotion but mathematician-turned-scriptwriter Dzof Azmi's theory is that people need both to make sense of life's vagaries and contradictions.
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